Dear New Zealand,
Could we borrow your Prime Minister? We’ll give her back, promise. We’re hoping she could run a masterclass in compassion. Our politicians don’t seem to have any. Maybe she could scout our political system for a leader with some of the qualities she has. Or perhaps run a reality tv show ahead of our upcoming election ‘Australia’s Got Compassion.’ Basically our politicians are faced with humanitarian, climate change and social justice challenges and they are forced to address it emotionally instead of economically. Maybe Scott Morrison can live with a family of refugees. Or with someone dying from black lung. If you go fiscal instead of instinctual you get voted off. Our country needs the hope that Jacinda has given you. We here are SO BLOODY JEALOUS!!! Have you seen what we have to choose from? We have an election coming up and our politicians are, well, how do I say this nicely? Awful. The potential leaders from both parties are uninspiring, dull, and so last century. We’re still running with the old white men in suits thing. Even though old white men in suits are continually shown to be distrustful, duplicitous, and dangerous, we still don’t seem to be able to shake off this belief that power belongs to them. It’s time for young mums who speak their mind. Who would have thought that a 38 year old Mum could not only perform in the job as PM but would capture the world’s imagination. Imagine if all world leaders were like Jacinda! She speaks from her heart. She’s shown the world its’ possible to be a visionary AND a leader. It’s sent shockwaves around the world. Politicians everywhere are shaking in their suits. They’re thinking ‘Are we going to have to do this too? Are we going to be expected to show kindness and insight and reason?’ Scott Morrison tried to include the terms ‘peace and love’ in one of his speeches but it sounded stupid. You can’t just say ‘Peace and Love’ – you have to believe it. I don’t think he’s a ‘Peace and Love’ man. Jacinda is terrifying to the average pollie because so many of them are sociopaths. We’ve been electing sociopaths for years. I mean who else would want the job?! We thought it was essential criteria. But Jacinda has shown us that it’s not. That people in power don’t have to be brutal or bullish. They can show who they are. They can inspire people to change by appealing to their humanity! Our governments usually ‘inspire’ people to change by cutting them off Centrelink. Or they build a stadium. We’re still Romans at heart, nothing like a big stadium to win a vote! Just ask Gladys Bjelke Petersen! We’ve realised its not just about having women in power, we have to have women who don’t emulate the way the men have been working. Thats why we want Jacinda. We want to find our outspoken brave young women. They’re the future. Not the dusty old dicks that line our parliament. We’d be happy to lend you Pauline. You’d have a lot of fun with her. She pretends to be stupid, but she’s not. Just the other day her party leaders were exposed as having gone to the US to try and get $20 million from the NRA to push them forward in the next election and try and destabilise our gun laws. That’s sedition I think. There was a time when you’d be locked up, even hanged for that. But no one in her party has even been sacked. In fact I think the attention has just made her followers dig in deeper. She has this special way with words. She said ‘Lets me make it very clear to the Australian people. I have never sought donations or political guidance from the NRMA.’ Everyone laughed. It’s a funny joke (mainly because she’s from Queensland and she should have said RACQ). Everyone went, oh, she’s stupid. But she’s not. I think she did it on purpose so that the media would pick up on her blunder, it would go viral, be distracting and it would make her look benign. How can you seek funding from the NRA if you don’t even know who they are kind of thing? Anyway New Zealand, we don’t have much time. Nobody believes in our two party system anymore. That’s why they’re electing show ponies like Mark Latham. And the Shooters Party! Please send Jacinda, we could billet her out no problem. We can even teach Pauline how to say your name properly.
Love Australia (because we don’t)