Trump’s Toga-town 0

Like him or loathe him, Donald Trump is King of the Western World. The big orange hamster

has found himself on his very own wheel of good fortune, and as Emperor of All he’s fast

tracking the rest of the world to what feels an awful lot like ‘ the end of days’. I’ve never been

one for conspiracy theory or a convert of the works of Nostradamus, but wow, shit is getting

wacky. I keep wondering if someone spiked my Kool Aid. Anyone with an anxiety condition is

going to be doubling their meds right about now. Or re stocking the bunker. Or building a

bunker. Out of turmeric. Will there be a third world war? Or will it be a slow cook via global

warming? Or perhaps its something quick, like violent death from a nuclear explosion? Or in its

wake, a Zombie Apocolpyse? Perhaps we’ll all die of despair? Is it possible for humanity to

crumble from disbelief alone? The constant outrage has made most of us numb to the continual

stream of lunacy that leaks in from the US. It’s their very own Fukishima, except America’s

disaster wasn’t caused by a tidal wave, it was caused by an election. An election with shock

waves still reverberating around the world. When it comes to damage incurred and risk to the

planet, Donald seems to have the same half life as uranium. (I sometimes imagine how good it

would be to have him encased in concrete. Thats a great way to deal with unstable ‘reactors’).

Or perhaps this is all a joke. Any minute we’re going to find out that the American election was

actually a prank, an elaborate mockumentary, and that Donald Trump is actually Ali G or Steve

Carrell or Ricky Gervais or even Chris Lilley in their finest comedic depiction of a crazed

dictator. I’m imagining a scene at the Whitehouse and it’s like a Frathouse party and everyone’s

wearing togas. It’s toga madness. Semi naked porn stars with their big naked boobies bobbing

in the pool. Old men in sheets touching themselves while talking to young men in sheets

touching other men in togas. Other old men in sheets trying to molest the bouncing pool

boobies. We’d cut to the Oval Office for some wides shots of general orgiastic toga frolicking.

Close up on debauchery. Classic fall of Empire stuff. Except at this toga party the host doesn’t

drink, because he admits with a laugh, it turns him into a bit of a ‘cunt!’ He says this to camera

as he pushes someone into a woodchipper. I’ve seen this film before. It was disturbing the first

time round. It’s Caligula. I can see Trumpy in his toga, with his olive leaf wreath pulled tightly

over his ginger nut, his fluffy orange tufts poking out, making him look childlike and vulnerable

in that way only old men can. His goat like feet splayed in sandals. He would have gross hairy

toes. Marmalade hair curling around the big toe. His power toe. His tubby tummy rounding in his

toga. Perhaps its not a movie. Perhaps it’s history folding in on itself. What if Trump actually is

our Caligula? If like Rome we’ve reached that bit when a glorious civilisation cannibalises itself. I

can see the parallels. Trump sacks his FBI director and gives the job to his horse. And of

course then there’s the creepy Caligula-esque things he’s said about his daughter Ivanka.

(Remembering of course the Roman Emperor had a similar penchant for one of his close

relatives, his beloved sister…..) Trumpy said Ivanka was hot, that if she wasn’t his daughter he’d

be dating her… It’s fine to quietly think your daughter is pretty but contemplating a scenario

where you might be dating sets off the alarm bells. And hopefully a visit from Child Protection.

But it’s a toga party. Anything goes. The party is really hotting up now. The togas are coming

off. Trump’s not Caligula now, he’s Nero. Rome is burning. Trump’s pulled out of the Paris

agreement – – he may as well have struck a match and burned us to the ground. It’s potentially

catastrophic. The US is one of the worlds biggest emitters of carbon. If they pull out we won’t

meet our targets. And it’s not just Rome that will burn, he’ll take out the entire planet. Thats

pretty much a hostage situation. And Trump is planning on doing nothing about it. I guess, like

Nero, he’ll fiddle while we burn. So maybe it is a practical joke. America, by Monty Python?

Except sadly, no one’s laughing. America has played their Trump card. And the rest of the

world is gonna fold.

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